Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
