And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Let's get the cat blown out
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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