I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
