I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
