So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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