So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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