things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
