problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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