What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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