Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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