does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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