why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
