im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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