Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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