do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
