I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
