Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
