I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
