I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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