Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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