I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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