It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
