He kissed a someone with a penis
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
