i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
