The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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