is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
