hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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