evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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