Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
