Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
