Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
