Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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