i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
