Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
