U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
