I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
