Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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