I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
