you guys were way drunker than both of me
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
