What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
