Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
