I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
