i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
