Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
