The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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