I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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