i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
