I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
