I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
