Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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