it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
