I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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