A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
