Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
