At least make sure they are 18
Why
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
