fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
