Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
