Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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