he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
