He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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