At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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