I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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