So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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