well I can't set my house on fire every night
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
