You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
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So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
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I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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