So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
