im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
