my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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