The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
